"Everything is amazing and nobody's happy"

This is something I've been thinking about for a long time. I started composing this months ago, and it took me a while to write what I wanted to say in the way I wanted to say it, and I think I've finally got it.

But let me first start by saying I am not an expert on human psychology. As a result, this isn't about clinical depression. Perhaps some of the ideas I have could help someone suffering from depression, perhaps not. I have several family members who have faced depression, and I have dealt with some anxieties and mental disorders (ADHD most especially), so I understand there are underlying issues that likely won't be miraculously cured by reading this blog.

But whether you are happy, sad, somewhere in between, or dealing with some sort of mental health issue, please read on. I think this is something that affects all of us to one degree or another.

A while ago I read a tremendous article that addressed the unhappiness that has become so prevalent for us members of Generation Y. The author starts off with a simple formula:

Happiness = Reality - Expectations

Allow me to illustrate.

The 2009 hit movie Avatar came out while I was a full-time missionary for my church, and as a result I didn't see it until a year later when I returned home. But boy did I hear about it! "They spent TEN years making it and it was WORTH IT." "It's the BEST movie EVER MADE!" "Make sure it's the FIRST movie you see when you get home! It will become your favorite movie EVER!"

Reality - Expectations = How Much I Enjoyed Avatar

Good Movie - Best Movie Ever = EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED

I thought Avatar was one of the dumbest movies ever made. In reality it's probably a good movie, maybe even a terrific movie. But countless people had billed it as the most incredible flick to ever appear on the silver screen and I walked away thinking it was nothing more than environmentalist propaganda.

That's how life goes, too. I won't go into every detail of the aforementioned article (you should definitely take the time to read it), but one of the points I want to discuss is how we compare ourselves to other people. 

This is where competition is appropriate.

I think Avatar is stupid, but I think comparing ourselves to others is even stupider.

Look, I'm as competitive as anybody, but let's leave that competition to the board games and basketball courts and just worry about ourselves when it comes to real life. In the words of C.S. Lewis, "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man." In other words, comparing ourselves to others will never make us happy, it will only make us prideful. If all we're seeking is to have a better life than those around us, are we going to end up with a better life? Nope! But if we focus on bettering our lives from what they currently are we might have a shot.

I'll bet people were generally happier before we were all on social media. In today's world that's where we get life updates from our "friends" and see that John bought a house before I did and Sarah got married before I did, and Frank's kid is so much smarter than mine, and Julie got a better job out of college, and OH MY GOSH DENISE GOT MORE LIKES ON HER PHOTO THAN ME AND I THOUGHT MINE WAS SO MUCH BETTER SHE MUST HAVE MORE TALENT OR MORE FRIENDS AND MY LIFE IS SO MISERABLE AND HERS IS SO PERFECT!!!!

You get the picture.

If you find that your happiness is contingent upon how many likes your photo gets on Instagram, DELETE YOUR INSTAGRAM. If you feel a sense of jealousy growing inside you as you scroll through your Facebook feed, DELETE YOUR FACEBOOK. Or have a trusted friend or family member change your password and don't get back on until you can do so without those feelings coming back. It might take months, maybe even years. But it will be worth it. I promise. I recently jumped off Twitter, my social network of choice for the past few years, and I don't miss it even a little bit.

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This is Mr. Hasselbring. That is not Mr. Hasselbring's hair.

Mr. Hasselbring was my science teacher for my junior and senior years of high school.  He was a funny old man with the driest sense of humor. Just about every time he saw me passing by his classroom he would say, "Tim, pull your socks up!" Funny, because he was probably both telling me to work harder and remarking on my low-cut socks. Like I said: dry, but funny.

In spite of the fact that I was a high schooler coasting towards graduation (any future employers reading this should know that "coasting" really means graduating second in my class with a 3.93 GPA) Mr. Hasselbring taught me one thing that I will never, ever forget. On his classroom wall he had posted a quote. It was printed on a plain 8.5 by 11 inch piece of paper in black ink and Times New Roman font. Simple, but life-changing.

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

-Abraham Lincoln

Think about that for a minute. Or take the rest of the day and think about it before reading the rest of my thoughts.

Did you think about it? Good.

I think happiness is less a reaction to our surroundings and more a choice in spite of our surroundings. Or at least it can be.

You might hate your job. You might be frustrated with school or dating or family members or any number of things. But do you know what? You have it good! One or two or maybe a hundred aspects of your life could be turning out differently than you had hoped or expected. But there are some things that are going right, I promise.

Heck, if you're reading this it means you have access to a computer. That's something! Actually that's pretty remarkable if you think about it. And somehow we find ways to complain about even the most incredible of technologies.

Here's what Louis CK had to say on the subject:

He's right you know. "Everything is amazing and nobody's happy."

So let's be happy!

Gordon B. Hinckley, former president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said, "Don't be gloomy. Do not dwell on unkind things. Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. Even if you are not happy, put a smile on your face. 'Accentuate the positive.' Look a little deeper for the good. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life."

I believe that a simple attitude adjustment will cure Generation Y of a great deal of its collective unhappiness. We can choose to recognize the miracles and laugh in the face of the disappointments. We can choose to be happy.

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Coach Valvano celebrates winning
the 1983 NCAA Tournament

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Nothing great was ever accomplished without enthusiasm." Legendary NC State basketball coach, Jim Valvano, added, "How enthusiastic are you every day? I'm going to be excited and enthusiastic every day God gives me on this earth." If you're familiar with the life of Coach Valvano you know he was excited, enthusiastic, and happy in spite of his long fight with cancer which ultimately claimed his life. My grandpa is currently fighting that same battle, and reminded me a lot of Jimmy V when he recently remarked, "I choose to be happy." It's become something of a family motto. Feel free to borrow it.

At the end of Jimmy V's life he gave perhaps the greatest award acceptance speech in the history of award shows when he accepted the Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award at the 1993 ESPYs. If you haven't seen it, take the time to watch or read it here.

Perhaps best known as the "Don't give up... Don't ever give up" speech, Valvano also gave us three things that we should do every day.

"To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. Number three is you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. you do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special."

I plan to take that advice. And the advice of President Hinckley, Louis CK, and Abraham Lincoln. I am going to have something special. Heck, I already have something special. I choose to be happy in spite of anything that tries to make me feel the opposite. I am happy.

Everything is amazing, and I hope we can all be happy.